And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
