A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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