last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You smell like stripper and shame
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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