when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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