i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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