OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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