i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
