I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
