What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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