Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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