and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
