I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Barsexuality is the new black.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
