i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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