The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
