Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
