if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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