I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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