maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
