I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
