i wish my penis had a tongue
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
