What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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