once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
