This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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