I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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