***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
this is an emotional support booty call
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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