i jhust puked up my retainher.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
