Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
