420 ftw
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
