Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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