Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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