She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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