my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
