For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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