Please don't use social media to get back at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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