woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
