dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
