I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
