its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
