its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
