can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
