Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
