Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
