I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
