I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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