I look better un-naked...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
