My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
