i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
