I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
