highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
