Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i believe in u and ur pee
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