and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
