I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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