Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
