i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
