someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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