we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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