I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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