He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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